Sponsorship in the Field of Alcoholism

Without a sponsor, I doubt I would have recovered from alcoholism. I am equally as doubtful that my sobriety will continue if I do not sponsor others. After all, our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. I have sponsored many alcoholics in the 15 years since I recovered. Most of them are still drinking. But, one of us managed to stay sober.


I am fortunate because I have chosen to work in the field of alcoholism. I was for many years employed in a transition home for men in the early stages of recovery and I am currently involved in the creation of another such home. No, I am not an alcoholism counselor. I just like working with drunks.


As I mentioned, I have been a recovered alcoholic for quite some time. I like to think my sobriety is stable and that I am enjoying the new life I have found in Alcoholics Anonymous. I try as best I can to apply the spiritual principles of that program to my life on a daily basis. Apparently, it showed when I was at work. Sometimes my clients would see me at A.A. meetings.


Every now and then, a client would ask me to sponsor them. My first impulse, as an A.A. member, was to say yes, because we keep what we have by giving it away. Perhaps we saw each other at meetings, we’ve seen that our stories are similar, I’m sober and I appear to be enjoying life, he has decided he wants what I have, etc. etc. etc.


And then, reality sets in. The first and foremost reality is that in this business it is against company policy for a staff member to have a relationship with a client. Sponsorship is a relationship between two alcoholics. To be effective, we must walk day by day on a path of spiritual progress. We must spend a great deal of time together during the first few weeks or months. As a result, we would become very close. I would drive him to meetings. I would want him to attend the weekly step study that I attend. We would have lunch together. I might even invite him home to have thanksgiving dinner with my wife and I. If he is unemployed I might help him find a job. We would likely develop a rapport that the other clients do not have with me and that he does not have with other staff members. For, we have become friends. This would inevitably be noticed.


Eventually, one of us would be spoken to. If we were working an honest program, we would not be able to lie about it. In fact, one might conclude that we were already lying about it, since an act of omission bears the same weight as an act of commission. And what message am I carrying then? That it is okay to be dishonest when it suits me? Like many forms of lying, it starts with one little lie and gradually becomes a bigger lie. When the truth comes out, we would be told that the relationship must come to an end. There may be hurt feelings, resentment, maybe even a defiant refusal. In a worst case scenario, he may be looking for another place to live and I may be looking for another job.


The simplest solution is to say no. In fact, an A.A. member once said to me, “Why sponsor one of them when you can sponsor all of them?” At first, I didn’t understand what he meant. But, if a client has a question about A.A., he can certainly ask me the question. If he picked up some resentment at an A.A. meeting, he can certainly talk to me about it. If he needs a hard to find A.A. pamphlet, he can always ask me about where to locate one. If he wants to hear how I got well, I will tell him before I begin my shift, after I end my shift, or during one of my breaks. In my story he will hear me mention my sponsor numerous times. If he decides he needs a sponsor, I can explain to him how to go about getting one, direct him to literature that might help. I may even give him a few leads. After all, I’m not the only sober A.A. member in our city and it is only an ego-feeding supposition that I am the one who ought to sponsor him.


Incidentally, both my wife and I are recovered alcoholics with about the same number of years in A.A. Whenever I think it will help someone, whether an AA member or a client, I always tell the story of how we met, how we have enjoyed thirteen years of marriage without any major arguments, how the honeymoon is far from over, etc.

One day, a member of AA who is also one of my clients, asked me what our secret was. He said whatever it was we should put it in a bottle and sell it. I told him our secret wasn’t really a secret. It is the daily application to our life of the principled actions we learned in the 12 Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, that putting it in a bottle wasn’t necessary, that it was already in a book and millions of people all over the world were already sold on it.


He looked at me and smiled. In a low voice, he said “For a moment there, it felt like you were my sponsor.” I just winked and replied, “For a moment, I was.”