During my marriage to my first wife we used to have "discussions" about things each of us needed to change. They were usually a list of all the things my wife didn't like about me that she expected me to change and a list of all the things I didn't like about her that I felt she had to change. This was how we "communicated".
So we would try to be better people for each other because after all we loved each other and therefore we wanted what was best for each other. Our changes would generally last about a month and then one or both of us would slip back to our old ways, maybe add a few more idiosyncrasies that were guaranteed to make our partner like us even less. And so we would have to have another discussion and set new boundaries.
I think we did that once a month for 18 years. Sadly, we failed to recognize that if we didn't like each other we should have just left each other, which we eventually did do. Of course, I thought it was because she didn't love me enough to become the person I thought she could be and I'm sure she felt the same way about me.
I'm in my second marriage now and its very different. I change myself and she changes herself and it is only rarely that we tell each other what we think the other should do. I love her for who she is and not for who I think she should be. I could lie and say she never does anything to tick me off. Okay, there was that one thing about 6 years ago - not putting the cap back on the coffee jar did get under my skin - but I got over it. I put the coffee in a cannister.
On December 31, 2014 we will celebrate 15 years of marriage and the only question I have is: When does the honeymoon end?
No comments:
Post a Comment
All comments must be approved by the moderator. If you do not have a Google account, choose Anonymous.